What a difference a day makes

I actually feel a lot better today, hope it lasts for more than a day, now that's pessamistic isn't it!! So I think it is because Paul & Alicia have come over a hump and now they can begin to make some real plans for the future. Of course the loss will remain for much longer, probably never go away not really, but there is hope and like I said yesterday hope makes us hope. The bible says "a heart without hope becomes sick" sooooooo true! I think it actually says "hope deferred makes us sick " for everyone who might want to correct me, but you get the gist of it ok! Hey so that means that some things in the bible are true...interesting thought. Ha Ha! For me it is just good for me to know they can try again, that they will try again and that there is a really good chance that they will have the beautiful baby they have wanted for so long. Alicia amazes me she is willing to go back to church, to have a relationship with God, no matter how fragile and how new it will be again. She said yesterday it will take time to trust Him again, I'm with her on that one. But she is willing to start somewhere.I hope they love them there, I hope they nurture them and hold them through this. Church can be the lonliest place ever. Mostly we go to meet our friends, we shouldn't I know but we do, we go to sing, talk, share, we're supposed to go to worship and honour God. But really we go most of us anyway for the friendship factor. And if you have been for a long time and not really connected with people then that's when we hop off to some other church and we hope we make a connection there. Sad but so true. And who can blame us we all need to connect, we need to have people to share life with, and if we have the same belief system it makes it easier. Not as interesting as connecting with people with totally different views on life, family, religion etc., but safe and easy. So now I have to decide where we really should be. I love our Pasotr but we have connected with so few people in the last year an a bit, it's really difficult to say I belong there. There are a couple of people who have really shone through this and surprisingly not people who we thought would be ones to stand with us, funny isn't it how some run and some stay. So now what is next it always seems to be the question where and what next.

Hope Shines Through

Alicia and Paul went to Brisbane yesterday to talk with the doctors. They have said Lucas did have NH and that their best and only really hope of having another baby is to have the transfusions. Immunoglobulin (I think that's how you spell it), from about 14 weeks I think. The success rate has been very good and about 50 women worldwide have had it done and all but 2 babies have survived. This give hope doesn't it, and it's funny how such a small thing, hope, can change a life. Alicia and Paul went to a church on Sunday, and they really liked it. It's COC the church attached to the school Alicia went to and the church where Paul got saved. They went on a funny day "Vision Sunday" not a real service day, but still they enjoyed it. Alicia said she still couldn't sing the songs, but she knows she wants to be in heaven with Lucas one day and to stay out of church isn't going to help her get there. So I feel such a sense of relief. I just realised that I couldn't go back until they went back. It would have felt like I had accepted God allowing Lucas to go and that would have been a betrayal to all of them. So now if Paul & Alicia are going to go I feel ok about going too. I'm not sure where just yet and I don't know how I will feel when I get there and everyone is saying how wonderful God is and how loving etc. but I can go and find out. I feel lighter and happier and a sense of everything will eventually be ok. I love my daughter so much and I love Paul too and I have been so broken hearted for them that I feel like I have died myself, in a little way. Now I hope the sun will shine again and we can move forward together.