Alicia and Paul went to Brisbane yesterday to talk with the doctors. They have said Lucas did have NH and that their best and only really hope of having another baby is to have the transfusions. Immunoglobulin (I think that's how you spell it), from about 14 weeks I think. The success rate has been very good and about 50 women worldwide have had it done and all but 2 babies have survived. This give hope doesn't it, and it's funny how such a small thing, hope, can change a life. Alicia and Paul went to a church on Sunday, and they really liked it. It's COC the church attached to the school Alicia went to and the church where Paul got saved. They went on a funny day "Vision Sunday" not a real service day, but still they enjoyed it. Alicia said she still couldn't sing the songs, but she knows she wants to be in heaven with Lucas one day and to stay out of church isn't going to help her get there. So I feel such a sense of relief. I just realised that I couldn't go back until they went back. It would have felt like I had accepted God allowing Lucas to go and that would have been a betrayal to all of them. So now if Paul & Alicia are going to go I feel ok about going too. I'm not sure where just yet and I don't know how I will feel when I get there and everyone is saying how wonderful God is and how loving etc. but I can go and find out. I feel lighter and happier and a sense of everything will eventually be ok. I love my daughter so much and I love Paul too and I have been so broken hearted for them that I feel like I have died myself, in a little way. Now I hope the sun will shine again and we can move forward together.