Remembering

What a little beauty he is. So tiny and so precious. I never thought that someone here for such a short time could steal my heart forever, but he has. Look at the size of his daddy's hand next to him, isn't that amazing? It's been 8 weeks since he left to go and play in heaven and there hasn't been a day I haven't selfishly wished him back to us. Cruel maybe, but what can I say, I want him to be here with us and I want to watch him grow. I'm crying of course as I read this, but I try hard every day now not to spend too much time weeping for him. Alicia said to me the other day, of course she cries, but what does that accomplish, nothing really does it. I actually don't like crying all the time, and I am hoping that as the weeks roll by it happens less. I am an overly emotional person anyway so it doesn't take much to set me off. I'm still asking what happened, why did it happen, what can I do to feel better and I'm still without answers. I want to trust God again, but how do you do this when everything we thought He would do He didn't. Anyway I am tired of the questions and I am tired of the pain and I want to start to live again and see beautiful things again. I love blogging and I have started another blog that is my fun blog, not a travel one this time like my other two and not one like this one where I come to grieve. My new one is called "A Box of Chocolates"and that is just what I want it to be like. Like opening a box of chocolates and seeing colours, smelling the sweetness, having your mouth begin to water, needing to make that huge decision about which one first. So for Lucas I want to be happy again. One Day.