Thursday, September 3, 2009


This morning we had sad news.  A friend has passed away this morning after a long battle with cancer.  He leaves behind a wife and 7 children.  How can this be good for anyone.  He believed until the very end that he would be healed.  He prayed and talked to God all the time.  He stood in our church and the entire congregation prayed for him.  He believed he would be healed and once again it didn't happen.  I don't think it does very often at all any more.  We hear about it happening in 3rd world countries, where there are no cameras, how convenient and we read about it in books that are sold world wide to supposedly build our faith.  Really well that isn't happening when all around me I see people who believe and have faith abandoned and die.  So not fair, so not what I expect and absolutely not what I read in the word.  "Lay hands on the sick and they shall be healed"  oops sorry about that folks, not today. My friends can't understand why I am so ticked off, are you kidding me?!  One said to me yesterday that maybe when my heart was not hard anymore I would get the answers I am looking for, REALLY you are joking aren't you???!!!! When my heart isn't hard anymore, well I don't want it this way, I don't even know where it is (my heart) at the moment, last time I saw it, it had been torn out, tossed on the ground, trampled on and hung out to dry.  Hey and I didn't do any of that sorry.....He did well he at least let the circumstance happen that caused it to be that way.  So when I say He isn't talking to me, it isn't that I'm not listening, it isn't that I don't want to hear from Him, it is just that He walked away 10 weeks ago and I don't know where he is.  Never leave me nor forsake me, yeah right, not likely.  So yes my heart does sound like it's hard, it's hurt, bruised, crushed, mangled, torn apart, BROKEN and now my friend expects me to just soften my heart HOW HOW HOW, tell me I'd like to know what I am supposed to do to make it better.  Where is this Prince of Peace, Comforter...????? HEY are you out there come talk to me, come comfort me, come bring peace casue I'm losing it here.
So my ranting is out, seriously, I just want to know what I need to do to understand this.  I'm sick of questioning, and I'm tired of getting no answers, so now mostly I just do nothing, I let it go and I wait for God to come and find me out here in the desert.  Where is my burning bush?  How will I find my way out from here?

1 comment:

  1. Kim,
    Some days there are no answers to any of the questions and I agree that isn't good enough.
    I always thought we were given or put in situations so that we would learn and understand why we were there. Surely if we don't understand something it should be explained to us, just as a child is taught about life growing up, they are given answers to their never ending questions. How can it be accepted that as adults we are meant to know all of the answers when really we are just all children. Like you I want answers and sometimes they don't come and I don't know where to look to find them or feel them.
    Sometimes it is never ending.... you are not alone.