Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Honey from Death

A friend spoke to me today, she told me about the story of Samson, when he killed a young lion by tearing its jaws apart. He continued on his way and later came back to eat honey from the carcass. She related it to what we are going through right now. How out of nowhere comes something to destroy us and if we kill it, get through it, survive it then at some time in the future we can go back to it, remember it,think about it, whatever and maybe there we will find honey. She said honey in the bible is like a food that strengthens, feeds, gives something sweet to us. It is the first thing that someone has said to me that makes me feel like sometime in the future I will think about this terrible time and out of it maybe I will be able to find something that is sweet. It might be bitter sweet, but somehow it will give hope, life, sweetness to someone. I hope this is true. I cannot imagine going through all this for nothing.
Baby Lucas, if I could change all this I would. I would do anything to have you back, I would do anything to change what is, to take away the pain, for us, for your parents, for your anuties. All the pain, confusion, loss, grief. I would do whatever it takes to change this. I miss you like I never thought was possible, I will love you forever think of you always, remember your smile, your eyes, your tiny cupid lips. I love you xxxxxxxxxxxx


  1. Hi,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog and writing a message. While this has truly been a devastation in our lives, I love that chance to help someone else.

    I am so sorry to hear about your precious grandson, Lucas. I understand your pain and right now finding comfort is so difficult. I can tell you that it does get better. In the beginning of our journey I just could not understand why my healthy child just died in his sleep. I kept asking God why? Why did this happen to us? It just didn't make sense. For a few months after Evan died, I found myself being very angry at God. I would sit in the cemetary and just scream! The further away from God I got, the harder my life became. My husband, being the wonderful man that he is, drew me back in and reminded me that God did not cause our pain. I truly believe that in my heart. God has stood by us throughout this tragedy and continues to be our soul strength. I do believe that when God promises to carry us through our darkest days, he does. We just have to open our hearts and let him in. And, also know that it is okay to be mad at God. I think he actually expects it!

    Anyway, the point to my story is that when you are feeling so down and in your dark hole, please turn to God. This has made such a difference in our lives. Don't get me wrong, we still have many bad days and shed many tears, but we grow a little stronger each day, as does our faith.

    Lucas was such a beautiful baby and I truly feel your pain. I also know that there is nothing I can do to take away your pain or make you feel better. Please know that I will certainly be praying for you and your family. Please tell your daughter that I am thinking of her also, mother to mother. I know that Evan is up there teaching Lucas all about superheros, especially Spiderman!

    Please keep in touch..

  2. Thanks Daven,
    You are brave. I'll send your blog address to Alicia an hopefully in time she will be ready to read someone else's story.