Friday, July 3, 2009

Where to Now

So the first week has come and gone. Ashleigh, Danielle and I spent most of the day Wednesday at Alicia's. When we arrived the house looked like a disaster area. Paperwork all over the loungeroom floor, clothes in laundry baskets and suitcases in evey room. What on earth were they doing. Well Paul had decided that they needed to do a Spring clean, it's winter here by the way. So he was re organising the small bedroom they are using as a walk in robe come office, Alicia was cleaning the kitchen. So I joined in, washing clothes being my choice. It didn't take much to realise that they needed to keep busy. Well Paul did anyway. He's taken some time off from his work as an electrician, he just wants a break from things. I think the 7 weeks that he and Alicia spent in Brisbane with Lucas at the hospital has taken a bigger toll on him than we thought. We went back yesterday, Thursday this was the day of the funeral last week and I thought they might be feeling a bit low. The house was immaculate. He is a good cleaner!!! So my question now is what's next.

It's what we do isn't it, we find some way of channelling all the pain, confusion, loss, anger everything into something that either so consumes us that we are too busy to feel it, or we choose to numb it with alcohol or drugs etc. I hate to admit it, I really do but I have been drinking too much wine this past week. I have a problem when it comes to drinking and I know that the way I am dealing with this is just avoiding it by having a few wines to numb the senses. Yeah it works for the moment and then later nothing has changed. I have to change what I am doing. I am sleeping in too. For me to get out of bed at 8.30am is really late and I am doing that every day. I need to get a better grip on things.
I just want to understand what happened and why it happened.

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